Home - Sweet Home!

The inevitable is here. I am going to let my home go, to nurture a new one.

As I handed over my notice to vacate at the rental office, tears welled up. I realized two things then. One, that I get attached easily and the other I get attached tenaciously. 

I've always remember moving - smaller house to a bigger house, one city to another, one country to another, from parents' protective embrace into the big bad world - each of those moves have had one thing in common - that tugging feeling at the heart with a big booming "but I don't want to go" cry in my head.

 I loved every house I've stayed in. They have each been significant in their contribution to my growth. The walls, the windows, the doors, the floors, new furniture, old furniture, the smells, the decoration, the neighbors, the friends, the help at home, the view of the sky, the pattern with which the moonlight would grace the ceiling over my bed, the sounds of the crickets, frogs and other creatures of the night. 

Every first morning in a new place had the same feel as well. As a child, I remember waking up to the smell of fresh paint and clean linen on make shift beds, heart racing with excitement about all the new corners I could get to play and leave a mess of toys, books and the like, the little space in the backyard where I could dance to my hearts content among washed clothes spread to dry and other friends from nature, the garden up front where alongside a beautiful rangoli would be my little hop-skotch box. I remember that chart was a sign I was healthy and happy. An absence of the chart next to that immaculate rangoli would mean I was down with the Flu. No, it wasn't because I was too tired to play or din't feel like it, I wasn't allowed to go outdoors, lest I would never recover.

There was always excitement to discover everything the new home had to offer.

This home among all, has been the closest to my heart. It was MY first. 10 yrs of sheer struggle, hard work, suppression of desires with a relentless fervor to yet never quit dreaming, stringent budgets, compromising for ease of access and proximity to more important priorities - all of it paid off - when I first moved into this house. A small space, just enough for me, but large enough for anyone that cared to feel it's warmth. I put thought into decorating it, chose my furniture, still with a stringent budget - but MY budget. This home is something I built and for myself. It had everything I wanted, in the way I wanted it. It was my sanctuary. 

Here I am, stepping into the next phase of life. To make a home - OUR home. Yes, I am excited. The joy of smelling fresh paint, discovering those miraculous little spaces that delight you coz you can put things you din't really have to bring along with you, but you couldn't part with them, so they are here anyway. To bring in warmth amongst all the beauty and organization(or a lack of it!) - a warmth BOTH of us can feel, relish and share with ones that care.  

But, the tugging at the heart and not wanting to let go of the one I have now, still remains. I know I'll always carry an image of a part of me plastered to every wall of this home. 

HOME - I love you. I'll miss you immensely. You will always have a special and spatial place in my heart. Take care of yourself and stay strong through all that nature throws at you. Give the love, warmth, protection, comfort, happiness and peace you have given me to whoever follows, how many ever follow. 

Be their sanctuary, just like you have been mine. 

Morning News in Today's Times

Lately, I have come to dread the news reading routine with my morning cup of coffee. My profession to begin with is a stressful one. It's a job that tries to put hope in some hopeless situations; tries to alleviate pain with limited resources. So, my typical day at work involves a lot of critical thinking and improvisation skills to efficiently use my resources and maximize its use to give acceptable and sometimes miraculous results. It involves restoring a sense of normalcy and hope among people that feel miserable coz of their inability to help themselves and suffering all the while.

But, reading the morning news these days makes me look at the problems of my clients more dispassionately. When I have an adult screaming through a local anesthesia process, it makes me want to tell them about those kids in a war torn country that wake up to gun fire, finding their mother not moving, leaving them to fend for themselves without getting a chance to teach them the art of doing so. It makes me want to tell them, that if they think that they are going through the worst pain ever, they need to read the morning news.

The story of the innumerable rapes in my own country, the suicide bombings killing and ruining the living lives of hundreds, the fanatic rebel warriors that tear their own country apart to impose their thoughts on non- believers, the threat of attack and hence war, that a country poses by just a small act of sizing up their military against the border of their neighboring country, the revenge killings, the corruption among people in power while the ones they swore to help out are starving away- the morning news is just filled with despair.

You wake up after a good nights sleep feeling in control of your life to reading about all these victims' world and their morning. It makes you want to see that the job you are not getting, the flight you missed to reach on time for the all important meeting, the promotion you dint get, the shares lost in the market crash, your child getting the flu, the maid not coming in today with another measly excuse is actually not worth a thought. It's not worth the racing heart, the blood gushing to your brain, the anger seeping in that turns into self pity, then helplessness eventually to frustration. Yes, in your own world these are problems, these are source of negativity- but these have solutions. That job you'll find- if not today, tomorrow; that meeting might cost you a deal, but more will come by with time; that promotion will happen may be at a different company, but it will; that money you lost, you'll make it back with a little more hard work and patience; your child will get better after that 7 day period; the maid will come in tomorrow or you'll find another one.

But that victim of rape will never see sunrise the same way he/she did before his/her experience, that victim of the suicide bombing that was spared will never enter a cafe for a break from work without fear and suspicion, heck - not only a cafe but any part his waking life will never be without fear, that child that wakes up being motherless, will learn to live a life that may just end the next minute. Trying telling these people - 'always live life like there is no tomorrow'. They are probably praying that there is no tomorrow while you are saying it.

Reading all this negativity floods my positive energy enough to not have the mind set to do my job to the best of my capacity.

Asking the world to stop these atrocities seems impossible. Asking the media to not report makes it easy on the perpetrators to get by with committing these atrocities. So- that leaves the option of not reading it at all. If everyone takes that option then, why report?

So, what's the solution? Get emotionally stronger and resilient, learn to be cold and stone hearted, so you don't feel and hence stay unaffected? And if you want to change the world by stopping these instances of inhuman behavior- where do you start and how? I can't even describe these instances as animalistic behavior- I think the most selfish and fierce animal would show more compassion to its fellow living beings as long as its survival is not threatened. They by far are the best followers of the 'live and let live' policy .

Animals, would you forgive us human beings for being a part of your world and turning it into a complete hell? Please.