It's the silence before entering a stage. Those last few seconds when you hold your breath and don't really know what goes on inside your head. When all you can feel is the hotness of your own breath, with the cold chill of the spine. When, all that matters is that you feel the spirit within you and just enjoy doing what you are destined to do. It's a feeling I have felt very often, through the numerous performances I've given. It's a feeling I have now- this moment - as I sit and wait to make the biggest entrance of my life.
I chose right. It's the right time in life. It feels all right and fits perfectly. It's that phase when I know the song is peppy and a crowd pleaser. The choreography has a tempo that will set the crowd's mood and yet soulful enough to give me freedom to put emotions into it. When I know, that all I have to do is reach out deep within myself, forget the world, the audience, their perception, their judgement - that moment when all I have to do is look right into the middle of the spotlight, straight ahead of me, feel the aura of the light blinding my vision and go to my place deep within - where the world is perfect.
I know,when I reach that place, I give my best performance - the kind that deeply satisfies me, leading me into a euphoric state that a lot of artistes will relate to. It's euphoria that comes with knowing that what you felt and wanted to express was expressed in it's purity and entirity. There was no adulteration. There was no stopping, no interference, no doubts. When you were let to finish your statement unhindered. It din't matter whether the audience got it or not - the audience reflects the joy the artiste feels. So, I know when I felt that joy my audience felt it too.
I wonder with this big performance coming ahead, if I will be able to feel that sense of purity. That is all I hope to feel. The rest of life will come together piece by piece based on the strength of that purity. That's why, this one is so important.
Here, I stand behind the curtains, waiting for them to raise. I can feel the heat of the spotlight and know where it is positioned. It's blinding strength. Clean slate, fresh mind, gushing blood,racing heart. All I want to do is reach that place deep with in - enjoy myself, feel purity, exhilaration and be able to spread it to the audience that awaits.
Will I be able to?