Sunday, October 28, 2007


What he feared the most had happened. Life had intervened and he had to take a step back. They had been together for 4 years now,4 years worth of time with friendship worth a lifetime. Cupid never struck them. Their friendship was simple. It was expectations what so ever,both ready to only give and keep giving.

As he looked at her for the last time that day, he saw a face that held itself strong,minimal expressions, a pair of eyes that had lost it's glitter and was probably the only tell tale sign of despair. She was smiling as she heard him say goodbye. He never understood why.

It's been 20 years to that incident.They have both travelled down the roads of life oblivious to each other. As he seats himself and waits for the flight to take off, his mind envisions that young,strong face....a face that while smiling, cried in agony with no tears shed. He wondered how much must have changed in that face...if at all it had changed.He relived moments they had spent together...randomly.With each episode,he writhed in pain of not letting her be part of the journey he had taken hence. There was nothing he could do,she had asked for it. She was moving on with life and could not take him along.It was time to part she had told him. But do friends part by merely an end to communication, an ignorance of geographic location, a lapse of time and all the events it brought along? Doesn't friendship live on with a silent prayer for each other, a moment of thought in all those special moments, in the feeling of missing that person in the most beautiful times of life? Aren't friends soul mates?

A complete stop to communication and a request to step out and never make an effort to return had chained him from sending the prayers across in words..said or written, of acknowledging the influence of her existence and the effect of it. It took him an effort to hold back the happiness, the pain, the purity of a simple thought going across to her. But he did it, coz he respected her wishes. Was this friendship?

He wondered if he would ever see her again. And if he did....what would he do? Would he go up to her,talk to her? What would he say? Where would he start from? It wasn't the first time that these questions had plagued him. They were there from the time he had said goodbye.
Just as they plagued him one more time, He saw her. He knew it the moment he set his eyes on her. She was just the same inspite of evidence of all the years that had gone by. He just sat still,soaking into her face.It had been a while since he had seen the glitter in her eyes.It was there right now...the shimmer of eyes that have been soaked in happiness. It filled him with a serene feeling...a feeling of content knowing that she was fine and just as happy as he had wanted her to be. Could he break the rule for a minute and exchange a few words with her or should he honour her words and fall silent? He decided to do the latter.
After all she must have had a reason to do what she did,so what if he doesn't know anything about it. He had learnt to trust her decisions blindly, unquestioned....for friendship was all about trust.

Thursday, August 23, 2007


It's been a while since I have played with words and relied on them to reveal the feel of every experience I have had. Life kept running and left me tryign to catch up with it's pace. Most times, I was successful..but everytime I failed, it just pushed me to try harder.

This country has taught me a lot in a matter of a very short time. It has taught me, that life doesn't stop at any point. When things don't happen the way you expect them to, you try to make them happen...not now, not then..but definitely sometime. An experience of living life in your own terms, the freedom of decision, the entireity of harvesting on the perks of a right one and the responsibility of bearing the consequence of the wrong one. The sheer independent effort at trying to solve the small puzzles of life that have a bigger impact in this materialistic world.

Yes,I have been a pampered soul..pampered with the love of parents and friends, pampered with comfort and security, shielded from the effects of the dark side of the world, a protective veil that let me see and learn from,but not face painful experiences. The pampering was not indulgent, so it let me make my own opinion on experiences, let me believe in the lessons I had learnt the way I did. And they all came in handy when I fiinally flew out of the comfort zone to find my own niche.

What the experience of being on the roads on my own revealed, was the power of healing, that was deep in deep that I was unaware of it's existence. A strength that I seem to so often call upon to propel me forward, towards a goal I seem so passionate to reach..a goal that was unidimensional a little while ago, but is now multidimensional with obscure edges.

All this for a dream I dream and so want to see it come alive!

Friday, June 15, 2007


Sitting on the window sill of a high rise building....good music.....a view of the city on the banks of the Hudson....a mix of nature,it's mysteries slowly revealing....and the sophisticated signs of human inhabitation.....friends over...dinner on....chatter all over....eve of an exam....i am blogging!!

A weekend in New York!!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

In-flight entertainment!

A travel for over 30 hrs is what gets me across half the world,inclusive of transit hours. Such long hours of travel are effective practical classes in psychology. Most people carry their CD player, portable DVD player, playstation,laptop with movie downloaded in it...and for the poorer souls..the inflight entertainment is the best option. But my concern is something totally different.

I think for a comfortable flight, one needs to have good co-passengers. When you don' is entertainment in itself! These are some of my experiences!

Children when seated behind you, find kicking and boxing the seat in front the best form of play ever. When seated ahead of you, they just find anything you see, read, touch, do,eat or drink interesting and if at all you don't do anything, they find you amusing. So you will have them constantly staring at you and their eyeballs moving in the direction of any slight movement you make. Babies are my all time favourite in the list of "not preferable co-passengers". Apart from the baby crying and messing around, crawling all over the place, frequent changes, constant attention and entertainment seeking traits, what irritates me the most is when the mother requests you to give up ur seat and shift elsewhere so she can lay the baby to sleep, also the baby-sitting moments while the mother takes the unavoidable breaks in between!

The other kind are the ones that sleep through the entire flight. The moment the flight takes off and is at a reasonable height, our guy reclines his seat so much that he is on your lap. Well, you will have to spare your lap for him or recline your seat to maintain a decent distance, which eventually leaves you with a back ache. Everytime you want to get up and use the restroom or just want to walk around and stretch, you either have to be a gymnast or a circus pro.....hop....jump..stretch...and ya..mumble,rant,swear..n all that! Oh..and forget it when food is served, your tray table is forgotten!

The other is the reader. One such person in front,behind or on either side of can forget about sleeping. The reading light will eternally be on and somehow directed right onto your eyes! Also the frequent bell to summon the steward or stewardess for coffee,water, juice and sometimes drinks. If you choose a seat at the aisle, your ease to move around is at the cost of being hit a million times by the steward(ess), the food trolley that bangs right into your shoulder,elbow or knee, the scores of passengers frequenting the restroom or just walking around to stretch their limbs.

Next is the body type, age and sex! An extremely healthy person could be of quite a concern as I would give up half my seat to adjust to the lack of such 'health'. A tall person would also be of concern coz he would shift and readjust himself , in what seems like every 10 mins, disturbing the few winks one sometimes is lucky to catch. A young 20 something gal is also of concern as she finds a friend in me and talks through the entire length of the flight which could be anything from 3 hrs to 14 hrs.I generally end up with a headache after that, not only by the constant conversation but by just rotating my head in her direction for that length of time. A young 20 something guy is of equal concern...primarily coz I'm not too comfortable with unfamiliar males, secondarily coz there always will be this uneasiness when you need to use the restrooms! An elderly (male or female doesn't matter) might also be of concern as they frequently need to keep walking to keep their circulation going and also the frequent visit to the restroom,which generally is most urgent when you are in teh deepest of your slumber!

So, who is an ideal co-passenger? Hmmm... I do not have an answer to that..but you could avoid the problem by travelling with someone you know!! You can't help what you get ahead or behind you, but you can certainly be releived on some front!!

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Life always springs surprises onto us. When it is in our favour , we say we have been rewarded for our efforts, when it is not in our favour, most often we blame it on destiny,in a pusuit to run away from the truth of lack of effort. But, I do realise that there is just so much one can do. You can dream.You can live a mule's life trying to breathe life into it. And the dream remains a dream...the one you place in a glass box, to wake up every morning and have a look. The dream always exists. The experience of the effort to bring it alive will also exist, but it is a dead dream. And there is just so much you can do about it.

When you dream, it is just your dream. But when you share it with people your own, it belongs to the soul of each one of them. They live through your efforts with you and somewhere down the line your dream becomes their's. Your disappointment becomes their's. They feel your pain twice as much as you do. In the process, you end up consoling them and prioritise alleviating their sorrow before yours.But what differentiates you from them is that you still pursue ....analyse your efforts, replan the entire ordeal, rejuvnate yourself and make a renewed effort at reviving the lifeless dream. They give up and wonder why you are still at it.

I am still at it, coz I dream. My dream this time is a new one...a dream to fulfill my dream!

Saturday, March 03, 2007

gibberish.... has been a while since I've played with words..n today after a long time I just feel like here I am. I don't have anything particular in mind..but I just feel like blabbering!!

The past month was a roller coaster ride of my emotions. I was having the time of my life trying to face my first ever "winter " in it's nastiest form! Thinking about it..I have never actually seen winter.....never ever had my face blown with a a series of cold blast..leaving a feeling of my face being flattened n making it a hideous task to move even a fiber of muscle to bring out an expression! Never had to fight the wind, to stand still n not fly away! Never had my feet so numb and yet have it ache n instill in me that there is no pain worse than the pain of having your feet numb! But not even that could stop me from doing the usual sight-seeing! The super me..under five layers of clothing and an outerwear...a cap..gloves...a wollen scarf...and a hot mug of coffee that took less than one second to get freezer cold....walking up n down the roads laden with snow...n some more falling......the Empire State building had to be seen! What was even better was that it left me with a feeling of euphoria!

I also had a great time visiting two of my old n close friends. Spending time with one of them showed me how much more I needed to grow to behave responsibily and that after a while my life begins to revolve around a lot of other lives. I realised that there comes a phase where you are expected to see beyond yourself and that I am not yet there!
The other friend though reinstilled the charm n fun in being a kid eternally..of living life through the child in you, so you can marvel at little things and enjoy life to the hilt. A carefree time wher all that is important is your own happiness. To feel both in a matter of a fortnight..was a roller coaster ride!

Then there was this serious side to the month where I had to hold my calm n composure, put my grey cells to work and come up with the some impressive answers to floor a panel completely. During this period was also a time when my grey cells multitasked at thinking of sensible things n nonsensical things simultaneously!

It was a crucial month and now that it is over and ended well...I can say that it was worthwhile. But had it ended otherwise..this combination of words or any other for that matter wouldn't have been here!

If the above made no sense to is not your fault at all!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

this side...n that

They were mere flowers.. a beautifully arranged bouquet that had been gifted to an incredibly beautiful young gal. They had arrived that morning, fresh with little droplets of water daintily seated on the delicate petals. A tag hung by it's side..."something beautiful for someone beautiful!"

She had been in the kitchen gobbling her breakfast and packing lunch, when the doorbell rang. She wasn't expecting the flowers, nevertheless she was elated to get them! They had had a fight last evening and hadn't seperated in what one would call amicable terms. The flowers this morning, seemed to lighten the whole ordeal of who was to say 'sorry' first. Obviously these flowers said it all!

She was running late for office like she does most mornings and the arrival of these flowers added another 5 mins of delay. She hadn't realised how long she had stood smiling, staring and caressing the petals while she wondered about how many different ways of making up for a fight, he comes up with and remembering all those sweet nothings that he had whispered into her ears.....just how much this person meant to her. She wanted to call him up this very moment and tell him how much she loved him. Just as she picked up her phone, the siren rang...she had been way too late for work. Even Ranjani must have walked into office after dropping off the kids at school. Forgetting all about the phone and him, she grabbed her purse and flew out of the door. The call could wait..Mr.Bhatia and his watch wouldn't!

It was lunch time before she knew it. It had beena particularly busy day and Mr. Bhatia was having one of his infamous mood swings. She din't have a minute to steal a call to him. But all she could think of was how she was going to ask him home for dinner tonite and what a delicious meal she would cook him.

He had just shifted in to the apartment. It wasn't the most comfortable place, but was comfortable enough for a young ,single guy, here to stay for a 6 month period. He was looking forward to working in the project, earning a good recommendation from his boss so he could submit the same for a promotion that was long overdue.

After the initial settling in and getting used to the commute from office to home, he had ventured out to find the closest grocery. ......She stood there reading out her grocery list nonchalantly, while the little boy at the store ran helter skelter to fetch them. She was gorgeous. That was all he could think as he stared at her blatantly. Before he figured out how he could approach her and start a conversation, she far as he was concerned into thin air!! For days after that, his eyes would search for that one face that could quench the thirst of his sight. But she had literally disappeared.

............until one fine day, as he stood by his window with a cup of coffee in hand, he saw that familiar face drifting across the windows of the apartment in front of his. Over the next few days, he knew her routine on a weekday and weekend just as well as she knew it! The best time of his day was mornings....when he watched her fly out of the front door with a thousand things in her hand and a few more clenched tight between her teeth. She never looked more adorable.

He wanted to confront her. But he din't want their first meeting to be another of those "Hi..I am new here and stay right across. I was wondering if you could help me find...." blah blah blah. It had to be special, coz she was special. After contemplating the whole day, he came up with an idea. It was novel and touching. Afterall girls loved flowers!!

He stopped by a florist shop he passed by everyday on his way back from office and ordered a few lilies....pure white....he loved white flowers and was sure she would too. She was so delicate, just like them. He kept thinking of a message to tag along with the flowers and had come up with "something beautiful for someone beautiful". He was confident that she had an idea of his existence and wanted to make a direct approach. The flowers would be delivered next morning and he would plead guilty in the evening. It was perfect.

He woke up that morning, all excited to see her reaction when the flowers arrived. He din't want to miss a single moment of it. He stood by the window, observing the look of surprise, a moment of pondering and breaking into a smile as she caressed each flower.....and then the moment he had waited for......she came upto the window,looked straight in his direction, let a sigh and smiled coyly. He smiled right back...wide..ear to ear. He had never been happier than that. But, how did she know it was him? Had the delivery boy spilled the beans? There was no way she could have known.....unless.....she was secretly watching. But why would she do that? May be she admires him too! WOW!!!

That evening, he picked up a box of chocolates. He knew she would love them. He came back home and freshend up. He wanted it to be the best evening he or she had ever had. As he got dressed, he kept looking out into her apartment to see what she was doing. He saw her bustling about, probably cooking something special, cleaning up the house and decorating with......what looked like candles. He couldn't beleive his luck!

Just as he was about to leave he gave one last look at her window. She was clinging to the door and smiling flirtatiously.It appeared like she was talking to somebody at the door. A guy entered and she melted in his arms, wrapping him in hers. What was going on? Wasn't he supposed to be that guy eventually? .....but she had smiled at him this morning. She had acknowledged his gesture. Then what was this?

Dreams shattered, he slumped against the window. He had always been warned about women. They were unpedictable and changed without a moment's notice. This was just another of those instances. She was also one of those gals who had accepted gifts from him and then thrown him aside like he was dirt. He din't want to see her ever again......never.
She was standing in the elevator, on her way to work, recollecting last evening which was everything she had dreamt of. Flowers, food, candles and the man she loved...what more does a woman want! They had finished a laid back romantic dinner and snuggled together to watch a movie. Time just flew and before they knew it, it was time for him to get back. It was one of her best evenings. She had wished it was never over. The only thing that intrigued her was everytime she mentioned the flowers he kept asking what flowers she was talking about! May be he was pulling a fast one on her...or may be just teasing her...or may be..he din't actually send one..but how is that possible..who else would send her flowers and why?

Her thoughts were disturbed by the bell that rings evrytime the elevator stops at a floor. The guy who moved in recently into the apartment across her, got in. He was a plain-looking guy, but dressed well always. She liked observing his tie-shirt collection whenver she came across him. He was pretty friendly, decent and not flirtatious (like the others in the building), the reason she liked him. She had never spoken to him but they always smiled at each other.

As she smiled at him today, he made a stern face and looked away. She had no idea why. She couldn't recollect anything unpleasnt that had happened between them. May be it is just a bad day for him or he may not be in the best of moods.
She could care less...she had had an enormously enchanting evening and nothing or nobody could ruin the thoughts of those moments for her.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

..renewed determination

2007....a score and a few more years on earth...n still going!! Each year starts with a dream n the whole year after that goes in putting the efforts to bring that dream to life. Most of the years I have lived my dream and been very proud to do so.

My dream this time is a bigger one and my efforts seem to be just half of what is required. This year my dream is to double up and add that zing to my efforts....that extra something that makes the difference between a success and a failure.

I am not giving up yet. I still have a lot in me to give to this world. I realise I need a little discipline and direction to my efforts and I intend to do just that.

2007 shall see me lay my foundation to the dream.