The first leap year ever since I started my blog..n I just had to make an entry! This may be an amalgam of utterly incoherent set of sentences..but then..as I said..it was all about making an entry on this day!!
I love the idea of getting an extra day to live! We all say, life is so short and there is so much to see. So. I plan to make the most of this extra day! But what all can I do today? How many things can I actually give the extra special touch to? If it was up to me, ti would be to everything I routinely do n a lot more!
Sometimes I wonder, why I get so excited about little things like this? The other day, as I watched the sunset over the skyline from my window, I wondered if there were any two sunsets I had seen that were the same! That means the sunset my eyes are soaking in right now,will never happen again! So,isn't this one-time wonder special? To think that in my lifetime again, this signature of the sun to signal the end of another tiring yet beautiful day,will never be seen again, just made me hold on to that moment a little longer.
With all due respect to every relation I am in, the beauty of staying with myself,having those moments of solitude,to appreciate every little thing around me,may be the buildings around or just the little rose that is probably breathing it's last today in that small vase, the dying flame of the candle with it's unique existence adding to the beauty of the ambience, inspite of the magnificent radiance of the morning sun, is something that is absolutely invaluable to me! The freedom to stop a moment before flying through the door in a hurry to get to work on time, to just check how the little snowflake trickled down my window pane, is amazing! Most people find it crazy. I have a heard a lot of people tell me that I should be more practical and realistic and less of the romantic! But everybody lives life. Everybody wakes up in the morning, gets about doing the daily chores,gets to work,comes back from work,,watch TV, have a dinner,hang out with friends,watch a movie and crash into bed again. Yes,these things have their own joy associated. But, Have you ever wondered, what the flower that just bloomed outside looks like when it shies away from the early morning sun? What an aeroplane traversing the vastness of the sky looks like at the touch of dawn? The feel of watching the building in front of you, that you have seen every day,every moment that you have been home, reveal itself as the late night mist clears away? or may be, the antics of the little boy living downstairs,as he has an encounter with the first snow of the year?
Yes,these are little things..magical in themselves.They replenish the vigour in me,fill me with a sense of being alive and soaking in life! I love being a romantic. After all, what matters is the eagerness to live each day to it's fullest.Who cares what sets that eagerness?
So, here is that extra day and I am all set to soak it in!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
What now?
They met at a mutual friend's annual party. She spotted him first. He was dancing and she noticed him coz she hadn't seen a man look majestic as he danced! Through the party her eyes kept drifiting in his direction...not that she wanted to catch more glimpses of him! She retired that night with the content of having had an enjoyable evening. After all, these parties were about "meeting new and interesting people" as they say!
As with other parties, present took over past....reality took over fresh memories. The struggle and routine of life kept her busy and as with many other interesting people she had met, this one was forgotten too!
She was workign for a well-established firm as human resource officer. Recruitment was something she had to deal with everyday. Thus, meeting new people, tactfully letting them reveal their dreams and ambitions and assessing whether their relationship with the firm would be mutually beneficial was her forte. After all, we all do this assessment of eachother in any relation we make in this world. Whether we go ahead inspite of the confliciting dreams or part ways inspite of having the same goal is a different deal all together!
As she made her preparations to go through another session of appraisal, she was called for by her head.They had found her some help and wanted her to familiarise the office and work ethics to the fresh member in the work force. As she was introduced to him, a sudden wave of familiarity hit her, but she just couldn't place him. She categorised it as one of those 'deja-vu' incidents and let it pass.
Over the next few days she found him adept and amicable, two minimum qualities that one needs a co-worker to have for peaceful co-existence. Their equation was strictly professional. Neither had made an attempt to get friendly beyond what was minimum necessary. But there was an enigmatic angle to that equation..something that seemed to fit the description of admiration,respect or mebbe venture into the realm of attraction. It was ambigious...neither of them could describe it but both if asked would definitely not deny it's existence.
She was an introvert. Though she was a very affable person and a great conversationalist, there was just so much you could make her reveal. Some people would unanimously rate her the winner of a talkathon while others would swear by her patience at being a listener.She was outspoken enough to get what she wanted. This quality of hers along with the bit of being a conversationalist would throw people off the idea of her being an introvert. But can't this combination exist? Aren't there people who can talk the world to another person but be reticent when it comes to laying their heart bare,no matter how close the listener may be?
The affable side of her once broke the ice or rather crossed the line that the enigmatic angle of their equation had drawn. He perceived it as making the first 'move'. She realised that perception and made a mental note at being more careful about maintaining the line. Did she truly want to cross that line? Did she really want to add another definite angle to the existing equation? Something din't let her answer those questions with credible positivity.
She traced her steps very carefully the next few days. His actions were met with luke warm enthusiasm. He found it difficult to pierce through her defence,there was something about her that was very gaurded. Her careful tread was now perceived by him as arrogance. After all she had made the first 'move'. He decided to step back too. She was not the end of the world!
It was the start of another year. The past year seemed to go by in a jify and the present year seemed to come by in a jiffy! As she waded into the sea of people enjoying the celeberations, she critiqued the decor and ambience of the venue, the fashion sense of people her eyes fell on, the couples that floated around and various such observations. As her eyes went scanning the room, they fell on a pair of broad shoulders that floated on the dance floor with exemplary ease. there was somethign very familiar about that majestic look. As the shoulders turned to reveal the face, a flash from a distant past seemed to culminate with her recent past and the present.
Yes,it was him..the majestic dancer who also is her colleague. What now?
As with other parties, present took over past....reality took over fresh memories. The struggle and routine of life kept her busy and as with many other interesting people she had met, this one was forgotten too!
She was workign for a well-established firm as human resource officer. Recruitment was something she had to deal with everyday. Thus, meeting new people, tactfully letting them reveal their dreams and ambitions and assessing whether their relationship with the firm would be mutually beneficial was her forte. After all, we all do this assessment of eachother in any relation we make in this world. Whether we go ahead inspite of the confliciting dreams or part ways inspite of having the same goal is a different deal all together!
As she made her preparations to go through another session of appraisal, she was called for by her head.They had found her some help and wanted her to familiarise the office and work ethics to the fresh member in the work force. As she was introduced to him, a sudden wave of familiarity hit her, but she just couldn't place him. She categorised it as one of those 'deja-vu' incidents and let it pass.
Over the next few days she found him adept and amicable, two minimum qualities that one needs a co-worker to have for peaceful co-existence. Their equation was strictly professional. Neither had made an attempt to get friendly beyond what was minimum necessary. But there was an enigmatic angle to that equation..something that seemed to fit the description of admiration,respect or mebbe venture into the realm of attraction. It was ambigious...neither of them could describe it but both if asked would definitely not deny it's existence.
She was an introvert. Though she was a very affable person and a great conversationalist, there was just so much you could make her reveal. Some people would unanimously rate her the winner of a talkathon while others would swear by her patience at being a listener.She was outspoken enough to get what she wanted. This quality of hers along with the bit of being a conversationalist would throw people off the idea of her being an introvert. But can't this combination exist? Aren't there people who can talk the world to another person but be reticent when it comes to laying their heart bare,no matter how close the listener may be?
The affable side of her once broke the ice or rather crossed the line that the enigmatic angle of their equation had drawn. He perceived it as making the first 'move'. She realised that perception and made a mental note at being more careful about maintaining the line. Did she truly want to cross that line? Did she really want to add another definite angle to the existing equation? Something din't let her answer those questions with credible positivity.
She traced her steps very carefully the next few days. His actions were met with luke warm enthusiasm. He found it difficult to pierce through her defence,there was something about her that was very gaurded. Her careful tread was now perceived by him as arrogance. After all she had made the first 'move'. He decided to step back too. She was not the end of the world!
It was the start of another year. The past year seemed to go by in a jify and the present year seemed to come by in a jiffy! As she waded into the sea of people enjoying the celeberations, she critiqued the decor and ambience of the venue, the fashion sense of people her eyes fell on, the couples that floated around and various such observations. As her eyes went scanning the room, they fell on a pair of broad shoulders that floated on the dance floor with exemplary ease. there was somethign very familiar about that majestic look. As the shoulders turned to reveal the face, a flash from a distant past seemed to culminate with her recent past and the present.
Yes,it was him..the majestic dancer who also is her colleague. What now?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Valentine's day!
Valentine's day....a day that celeberates the thumping hearts, the language of the eyes, the unspoken words, the talking silence....a day when most people make an effort and take some time out to let some of the most important people know, what and how much they mean to them.
While most of the world is divided among two groups...one that believes in celeberating this day and the other that doesn't, I guess I belong to a completely different group. To me, this day is about celeberating myself! Coz..when you love someone ( be it mom,dad,friend or a lover) you somehow unwittingly give a part of yourself to them to keep for life and that part of you now belongs to them. So, when I acknowledge their importance in my life, I am acknowledging the fact that I belong to them. From experience I can say..that the feeling of belonging to someone is beautiful, one that puts in a lot of responsibility but one that gives you a purpose and celeberates your existence.
So, when do I celeberate the others' being? Every other day...coz every other day,everything I do depends on the amount and quality of ripples my action will create in their lives. Everything I do is thoughtfully considered,planned,replayed a thousand times, before it is actually carried out to weigh the consequences. So, don't I ever do anything on an impulse? I do..infact most often...and those impulsive acts are ones that come with instant gratification,sometimes positive and many a times negative. But these acts are all the small ones, ones that are inconsequential in the larger frame, ones that bring the thrill in living, the feeling of adventure... n irrespective of the consequence are very enjoyable.
So, yes..to me Valentine's Day is important, it's a day when I pamper myself by telling the people I love that it feels invigorating to belong to them!
While most of the world is divided among two groups...one that believes in celeberating this day and the other that doesn't, I guess I belong to a completely different group. To me, this day is about celeberating myself! Coz..when you love someone ( be it mom,dad,friend or a lover) you somehow unwittingly give a part of yourself to them to keep for life and that part of you now belongs to them. So, when I acknowledge their importance in my life, I am acknowledging the fact that I belong to them. From experience I can say..that the feeling of belonging to someone is beautiful, one that puts in a lot of responsibility but one that gives you a purpose and celeberates your existence.
So, when do I celeberate the others' being? Every other day...coz every other day,everything I do depends on the amount and quality of ripples my action will create in their lives. Everything I do is thoughtfully considered,planned,replayed a thousand times, before it is actually carried out to weigh the consequences. So, don't I ever do anything on an impulse? I do..infact most often...and those impulsive acts are ones that come with instant gratification,sometimes positive and many a times negative. But these acts are all the small ones, ones that are inconsequential in the larger frame, ones that bring the thrill in living, the feeling of adventure... n irrespective of the consequence are very enjoyable.
So, yes..to me Valentine's Day is important, it's a day when I pamper myself by telling the people I love that it feels invigorating to belong to them!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Standing
What he feared the most had happened. Life had intervened and he had to take a step back. They had been together for 4 years now,4 years worth of time with friendship worth a lifetime. Cupid never struck them. Their friendship was simple. It was ideal...no expectations what so ever,both ready to only give and keep giving.
As he looked at her for the last time that day, he saw a face that held itself strong,minimal expressions, a pair of eyes that had lost it's glitter and was probably the only tell tale sign of despair. She was smiling as she heard him say goodbye. He never understood why.
It's been 20 years to that incident.They have both travelled down the roads of life oblivious to each other. As he seats himself and waits for the flight to take off, his mind envisions that young,strong face....a face that while smiling, cried in agony with no tears shed. He wondered how much must have changed in that face...if at all it had changed.He relived moments they had spent together...randomly.With each episode,he writhed in pain of not letting her be part of the journey he had taken hence. There was nothing he could do,she had asked for it. She was moving on with life and could not take him along.It was time to part she had told him. But do friends part by merely an end to communication, an ignorance of geographic location, a lapse of time and all the events it brought along? Doesn't friendship live on with a silent prayer for each other, a moment of thought in all those special moments, in the feeling of missing that person in the most beautiful times of life? Aren't friends soul mates?
A complete stop to communication and a request to step out and never make an effort to return had chained him from sending the prayers across in words..said or written, of acknowledging the influence of her existence and the effect of it. It took him an effort to hold back the happiness, the pain, the purity of a simple thought going across to her. But he did it, coz he respected her wishes. Was this friendship?
He wondered if he would ever see her again. And if he did....what would he do? Would he go up to her,talk to her? What would he say? Where would he start from? It wasn't the first time that these questions had plagued him. They were there from the time he had said goodbye.
Just as they plagued him one more time, He saw her. He knew it the moment he set his eyes on her. She was just the same inspite of evidence of all the years that had gone by. He just sat still,soaking into her face.It had been a while since he had seen the glitter in her eyes.It was there right now...the shimmer of eyes that have been soaked in happiness. It filled him with a serene feeling...a feeling of content knowing that she was fine and just as happy as he had wanted her to be. Could he break the rule for a minute and exchange a few words with her or should he honour her words and fall silent? He decided to do the latter.
After all she must have had a reason to do what she did,so what if he doesn't know anything about it. He had learnt to trust her decisions blindly, unquestioned....for friendship was all about trust.
As he looked at her for the last time that day, he saw a face that held itself strong,minimal expressions, a pair of eyes that had lost it's glitter and was probably the only tell tale sign of despair. She was smiling as she heard him say goodbye. He never understood why.
It's been 20 years to that incident.They have both travelled down the roads of life oblivious to each other. As he seats himself and waits for the flight to take off, his mind envisions that young,strong face....a face that while smiling, cried in agony with no tears shed. He wondered how much must have changed in that face...if at all it had changed.He relived moments they had spent together...randomly.With each episode,he writhed in pain of not letting her be part of the journey he had taken hence. There was nothing he could do,she had asked for it. She was moving on with life and could not take him along.It was time to part she had told him. But do friends part by merely an end to communication, an ignorance of geographic location, a lapse of time and all the events it brought along? Doesn't friendship live on with a silent prayer for each other, a moment of thought in all those special moments, in the feeling of missing that person in the most beautiful times of life? Aren't friends soul mates?
A complete stop to communication and a request to step out and never make an effort to return had chained him from sending the prayers across in words..said or written, of acknowledging the influence of her existence and the effect of it. It took him an effort to hold back the happiness, the pain, the purity of a simple thought going across to her. But he did it, coz he respected her wishes. Was this friendship?
He wondered if he would ever see her again. And if he did....what would he do? Would he go up to her,talk to her? What would he say? Where would he start from? It wasn't the first time that these questions had plagued him. They were there from the time he had said goodbye.
Just as they plagued him one more time, He saw her. He knew it the moment he set his eyes on her. She was just the same inspite of evidence of all the years that had gone by. He just sat still,soaking into her face.It had been a while since he had seen the glitter in her eyes.It was there right now...the shimmer of eyes that have been soaked in happiness. It filled him with a serene feeling...a feeling of content knowing that she was fine and just as happy as he had wanted her to be. Could he break the rule for a minute and exchange a few words with her or should he honour her words and fall silent? He decided to do the latter.
After all she must have had a reason to do what she did,so what if he doesn't know anything about it. He had learnt to trust her decisions blindly, unquestioned....for friendship was all about trust.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
pondering...
It's been a while since I have played with words and relied on them to reveal the feel of every experience I have had. Life kept running and left me tryign to catch up with it's pace. Most times, I was successful..but everytime I failed, it just pushed me to try harder.
This country has taught me a lot in a matter of a very short time. It has taught me, that life doesn't stop at any point. When things don't happen the way you expect them to, you try to make them happen...not now, not then..but definitely sometime. An experience of living life in your own terms, the freedom of decision, the entireity of harvesting on the perks of a right one and the responsibility of bearing the consequence of the wrong one. The sheer independent effort at trying to solve the small puzzles of life that have a bigger impact in this materialistic world.
Yes,I have been a pampered soul..pampered with the love of parents and friends, pampered with comfort and security, shielded from the effects of the dark side of the world, a protective veil that let me see and learn from,but not face painful experiences. The pampering was not indulgent, so it let me make my own opinion on experiences, let me believe in the lessons I had learnt the way I did. And they all came in handy when I fiinally flew out of the comfort zone to find my own niche.
What the experience of being on the roads on my own revealed, was the power of healing, that was deep in me..so deep that I was unaware of it's existence. A strength that I seem to so often call upon to propel me forward, towards a goal I seem so passionate to reach..a goal that was unidimensional a little while ago, but is now multidimensional with obscure edges.
All this for a dream I dream and so want to see it come alive!
This country has taught me a lot in a matter of a very short time. It has taught me, that life doesn't stop at any point. When things don't happen the way you expect them to, you try to make them happen...not now, not then..but definitely sometime. An experience of living life in your own terms, the freedom of decision, the entireity of harvesting on the perks of a right one and the responsibility of bearing the consequence of the wrong one. The sheer independent effort at trying to solve the small puzzles of life that have a bigger impact in this materialistic world.
Yes,I have been a pampered soul..pampered with the love of parents and friends, pampered with comfort and security, shielded from the effects of the dark side of the world, a protective veil that let me see and learn from,but not face painful experiences. The pampering was not indulgent, so it let me make my own opinion on experiences, let me believe in the lessons I had learnt the way I did. And they all came in handy when I fiinally flew out of the comfort zone to find my own niche.
What the experience of being on the roads on my own revealed, was the power of healing, that was deep in me..so deep that I was unaware of it's existence. A strength that I seem to so often call upon to propel me forward, towards a goal I seem so passionate to reach..a goal that was unidimensional a little while ago, but is now multidimensional with obscure edges.
All this for a dream I dream and so want to see it come alive!
Friday, June 15, 2007
:-)
Sitting on the window sill of a high rise building....good music.....a view of the city on the banks of the Hudson....a mix of nature,it's mysteries slowly revealing....and the sophisticated signs of human inhabitation.....friends over...dinner cooking.....movie on....chatter all over....eve of an exam....i am blogging!!
A weekend in New York!!
A weekend in New York!!
Saturday, June 02, 2007
In-flight entertainment!
A travel for over 30 hrs is what gets me across half the world,inclusive of transit hours. Such long hours of travel are effective practical classes in psychology. Most people carry their CD player, portable DVD player, playstation,laptop with movie downloaded in it...and for the poorer souls..the inflight entertainment is the best option. But my concern is something totally different.
I think for a comfortable flight, one needs to have good co-passengers. When you don't..it is entertainment in itself! These are some of my experiences!
Children when seated behind you, find kicking and boxing the seat in front the best form of play ever. When seated ahead of you, they just find anything you see, read, touch, do,eat or drink interesting and if at all you don't do anything, they find you amusing. So you will have them constantly staring at you and their eyeballs moving in the direction of any slight movement you make. Babies are my all time favourite in the list of "not preferable co-passengers". Apart from the baby crying and messing around, crawling all over the place, frequent changes, constant attention and entertainment seeking traits, what irritates me the most is when the mother requests you to give up ur seat and shift elsewhere so she can lay the baby to sleep, also the baby-sitting moments while the mother takes the unavoidable breaks in between!
The other kind are the ones that sleep through the entire flight. The moment the flight takes off and is at a reasonable height, our guy reclines his seat so much that he is on your lap. Well, you will have to spare your lap for him or recline your seat to maintain a decent distance, which eventually leaves you with a back ache. Everytime you want to get up and use the restroom or just want to walk around and stretch, you either have to be a gymnast or a circus pro.....hop....jump..stretch...and ya..mumble,rant,swear..n all that! Oh..and forget it when food is served, your tray table is forgotten!
The other is the reader. One such person in front,behind or on either side of you..you can forget about sleeping. The reading light will eternally be on and somehow directed right onto your eyes! Also the frequent bell to summon the steward or stewardess for coffee,water, juice and sometimes drinks. If you choose a seat at the aisle, your ease to move around is at the cost of being hit a million times by the steward(ess), the food trolley that bangs right into your shoulder,elbow or knee, the scores of passengers frequenting the restroom or just walking around to stretch their limbs.
Next is the body type, age and sex! An extremely healthy person could be of quite a concern as I would give up half my seat to adjust to the lack of such 'health'. A tall person would also be of concern coz he would shift and readjust himself , in what seems like every 10 mins, disturbing the few winks one sometimes is lucky to catch. A young 20 something gal is also of concern as she finds a friend in me and talks through the entire length of the flight which could be anything from 3 hrs to 14 hrs.I generally end up with a headache after that, not only by the constant conversation but by just rotating my head in her direction for that length of time. A young 20 something guy is of equal concern...primarily coz I'm not too comfortable with unfamiliar males, secondarily coz there always will be this uneasiness when you need to use the restrooms! An elderly (male or female doesn't matter) might also be of concern as they frequently need to keep walking to keep their circulation going and also the frequent visit to the restroom,which generally is most urgent when you are in teh deepest of your slumber!
So, who is an ideal co-passenger? Hmmm... I do not have an answer to that..but you could avoid the problem by travelling with someone you know!! You can't help what you get ahead or behind you, but you can certainly be releived on some front!!
I think for a comfortable flight, one needs to have good co-passengers. When you don't..it is entertainment in itself! These are some of my experiences!
Children when seated behind you, find kicking and boxing the seat in front the best form of play ever. When seated ahead of you, they just find anything you see, read, touch, do,eat or drink interesting and if at all you don't do anything, they find you amusing. So you will have them constantly staring at you and their eyeballs moving in the direction of any slight movement you make. Babies are my all time favourite in the list of "not preferable co-passengers". Apart from the baby crying and messing around, crawling all over the place, frequent changes, constant attention and entertainment seeking traits, what irritates me the most is when the mother requests you to give up ur seat and shift elsewhere so she can lay the baby to sleep, also the baby-sitting moments while the mother takes the unavoidable breaks in between!
The other kind are the ones that sleep through the entire flight. The moment the flight takes off and is at a reasonable height, our guy reclines his seat so much that he is on your lap. Well, you will have to spare your lap for him or recline your seat to maintain a decent distance, which eventually leaves you with a back ache. Everytime you want to get up and use the restroom or just want to walk around and stretch, you either have to be a gymnast or a circus pro.....hop....jump..stretch...and ya..mumble,rant,swear..n all that! Oh..and forget it when food is served, your tray table is forgotten!
The other is the reader. One such person in front,behind or on either side of you..you can forget about sleeping. The reading light will eternally be on and somehow directed right onto your eyes! Also the frequent bell to summon the steward or stewardess for coffee,water, juice and sometimes drinks. If you choose a seat at the aisle, your ease to move around is at the cost of being hit a million times by the steward(ess), the food trolley that bangs right into your shoulder,elbow or knee, the scores of passengers frequenting the restroom or just walking around to stretch their limbs.
Next is the body type, age and sex! An extremely healthy person could be of quite a concern as I would give up half my seat to adjust to the lack of such 'health'. A tall person would also be of concern coz he would shift and readjust himself , in what seems like every 10 mins, disturbing the few winks one sometimes is lucky to catch. A young 20 something gal is also of concern as she finds a friend in me and talks through the entire length of the flight which could be anything from 3 hrs to 14 hrs.I generally end up with a headache after that, not only by the constant conversation but by just rotating my head in her direction for that length of time. A young 20 something guy is of equal concern...primarily coz I'm not too comfortable with unfamiliar males, secondarily coz there always will be this uneasiness when you need to use the restrooms! An elderly (male or female doesn't matter) might also be of concern as they frequently need to keep walking to keep their circulation going and also the frequent visit to the restroom,which generally is most urgent when you are in teh deepest of your slumber!
So, who is an ideal co-passenger? Hmmm... I do not have an answer to that..but you could avoid the problem by travelling with someone you know!! You can't help what you get ahead or behind you, but you can certainly be releived on some front!!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Life always springs surprises onto us. When it is in our favour , we say we have been rewarded for our efforts, when it is not in our favour, most often we blame it on destiny,in a pusuit to run away from the truth of lack of effort. But, I do realise that there is just so much one can do. You can dream.You can live a mule's life trying to breathe life into it. And the dream remains a dream...the one you place in a glass box, to wake up every morning and have a look. The dream always exists. The experience of the effort to bring it alive will also exist, but it is a dead dream. And there is just so much you can do about it.
When you dream, it is just your dream. But when you share it with people your own, it belongs to the soul of each one of them. They live through your efforts with you and somewhere down the line your dream becomes their's. Your disappointment becomes their's. They feel your pain twice as much as you do. In the process, you end up consoling them and prioritise alleviating their sorrow before yours.But what differentiates you from them is that you still pursue ....analyse your efforts, replan the entire ordeal, rejuvnate yourself and make a renewed effort at reviving the lifeless dream. They give up and wonder why you are still at it.
I am still at it, coz I dream. My dream this time is a new one...a dream to fulfill my dream!
When you dream, it is just your dream. But when you share it with people your own, it belongs to the soul of each one of them. They live through your efforts with you and somewhere down the line your dream becomes their's. Your disappointment becomes their's. They feel your pain twice as much as you do. In the process, you end up consoling them and prioritise alleviating their sorrow before yours.But what differentiates you from them is that you still pursue ....analyse your efforts, replan the entire ordeal, rejuvnate yourself and make a renewed effort at reviving the lifeless dream. They give up and wonder why you are still at it.
I am still at it, coz I dream. My dream this time is a new one...a dream to fulfill my dream!
Saturday, March 03, 2007
gibberish....
Hmmmm..it has been a while since I've played with words..n today after a long time I just feel like it..so here I am. I don't have anything particular in mind..but I just feel like blabbering!!
The past month was a roller coaster ride of my emotions. I was having the time of my life trying to face my first ever "winter " in it's nastiest form! Thinking about it..I have never actually seen winter.....never ever had my face blown with a a series of cold blast..leaving a feeling of my face being flattened n making it a hideous task to move even a fiber of muscle to bring out an expression! Never had to fight the wind, to stand still n not fly away! Never had my feet so numb and yet have it ache n instill in me that there is no pain worse than the pain of having your feet numb! But not even that could stop me from doing the usual sight-seeing! The super me..under five layers of clothing and an outerwear...a cap..gloves...a wollen scarf...and a hot mug of coffee that took less than one second to get freezer cold....walking up n down the roads laden with snow...n some more falling......the Empire State building had to be seen! What was even better was that it left me with a feeling of euphoria!
I also had a great time visiting two of my old n close friends. Spending time with one of them showed me how much more I needed to grow to behave responsibily and that after a while my life begins to revolve around a lot of other lives. I realised that there comes a phase where you are expected to see beyond yourself and that I am not yet there!
The other friend though reinstilled the charm n fun in being a kid eternally..of living life through the child in you, so you can marvel at little things and enjoy life to the hilt. A carefree time wher all that is important is your own happiness. To feel both in a matter of a fortnight..was a roller coaster ride!
Then there was this serious side to the month where I had to hold my calm n composure, put my grey cells to work and come up with the some impressive answers to floor a panel completely. During this period was also a time when my grey cells multitasked at thinking of sensible things n nonsensical things simultaneously!
It was a crucial month and now that it is over and ended well...I can say that it was worthwhile. But had it ended otherwise..this combination of words or any other for that matter wouldn't have been here!
If the above made no sense to you..it is not your fault at all!
The past month was a roller coaster ride of my emotions. I was having the time of my life trying to face my first ever "winter " in it's nastiest form! Thinking about it..I have never actually seen winter.....never ever had my face blown with a a series of cold blast..leaving a feeling of my face being flattened n making it a hideous task to move even a fiber of muscle to bring out an expression! Never had to fight the wind, to stand still n not fly away! Never had my feet so numb and yet have it ache n instill in me that there is no pain worse than the pain of having your feet numb! But not even that could stop me from doing the usual sight-seeing! The super me..under five layers of clothing and an outerwear...a cap..gloves...a wollen scarf...and a hot mug of coffee that took less than one second to get freezer cold....walking up n down the roads laden with snow...n some more falling......the Empire State building had to be seen! What was even better was that it left me with a feeling of euphoria!
I also had a great time visiting two of my old n close friends. Spending time with one of them showed me how much more I needed to grow to behave responsibily and that after a while my life begins to revolve around a lot of other lives. I realised that there comes a phase where you are expected to see beyond yourself and that I am not yet there!
The other friend though reinstilled the charm n fun in being a kid eternally..of living life through the child in you, so you can marvel at little things and enjoy life to the hilt. A carefree time wher all that is important is your own happiness. To feel both in a matter of a fortnight..was a roller coaster ride!
Then there was this serious side to the month where I had to hold my calm n composure, put my grey cells to work and come up with the some impressive answers to floor a panel completely. During this period was also a time when my grey cells multitasked at thinking of sensible things n nonsensical things simultaneously!
It was a crucial month and now that it is over and ended well...I can say that it was worthwhile. But had it ended otherwise..this combination of words or any other for that matter wouldn't have been here!
If the above made no sense to you..it is not your fault at all!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
this side...n that
They were mere flowers.. a beautifully arranged bouquet that had been gifted to an incredibly beautiful young gal. They had arrived that morning, fresh with little droplets of water daintily seated on the delicate petals. A tag hung by it's side..."something beautiful for someone beautiful!"
She had been in the kitchen gobbling her breakfast and packing lunch, when the doorbell rang. She wasn't expecting the flowers, nevertheless she was elated to get them! They had had a fight last evening and hadn't seperated in what one would call amicable terms. The flowers this morning, seemed to lighten the whole ordeal of who was to say 'sorry' first. Obviously these flowers said it all!
She was running late for office like she does most mornings and the arrival of these flowers added another 5 mins of delay. She hadn't realised how long she had stood smiling, staring and caressing the petals while she wondered about how many different ways of making up for a fight, he comes up with and remembering all those sweet nothings that he had whispered into her ears.....just how much this person meant to her. She wanted to call him up this very moment and tell him how much she loved him. Just as she picked up her phone, the siren rang...she had been way too late for work. Even Ranjani must have walked into office after dropping off the kids at school. Forgetting all about the phone and him, she grabbed her purse and flew out of the door. The call could wait..Mr.Bhatia and his watch wouldn't!
It was lunch time before she knew it. It had beena particularly busy day and Mr. Bhatia was having one of his infamous mood swings. She din't have a minute to steal a call to him. But all she could think of was how she was going to ask him home for dinner tonite and what a delicious meal she would cook him.
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He had just shifted in to the apartment. It wasn't the most comfortable place, but was comfortable enough for a young ,single guy, here to stay for a 6 month period. He was looking forward to working in the project, earning a good recommendation from his boss so he could submit the same for a promotion that was long overdue.
After the initial settling in and getting used to the commute from office to home, he had ventured out to find the closest grocery. ......She stood there reading out her grocery list nonchalantly, while the little boy at the store ran helter skelter to fetch them. She was gorgeous. That was all he could think as he stared at her blatantly. Before he figured out how he could approach her and start a conversation, she disappeared.....as far as he was concerned into thin air!! For days after that, his eyes would search for that one face that could quench the thirst of his sight. But she had literally disappeared.
............until one fine day, as he stood by his window with a cup of coffee in hand, he saw that familiar face drifting across the windows of the apartment in front of his. Over the next few days, he knew her routine on a weekday and weekend just as well as she knew it! The best time of his day was mornings....when he watched her fly out of the front door with a thousand things in her hand and a few more clenched tight between her teeth. She never looked more adorable.
He wanted to confront her. But he din't want their first meeting to be another of those "Hi..I am new here and stay right across. I was wondering if you could help me find...." blah blah blah. It had to be special, coz she was special. After contemplating the whole day, he came up with an idea. It was novel and touching. Afterall girls loved flowers!!
He stopped by a florist shop he passed by everyday on his way back from office and ordered a few lilies....pure white....he loved white flowers and was sure she would too. She was so delicate, just like them. He kept thinking of a message to tag along with the flowers and had come up with "something beautiful for someone beautiful". He was confident that she had an idea of his existence and wanted to make a direct approach. The flowers would be delivered next morning and he would plead guilty in the evening. It was perfect.
He woke up that morning, all excited to see her reaction when the flowers arrived. He din't want to miss a single moment of it. He stood by the window, observing the look of surprise, a moment of pondering and breaking into a smile as she caressed each flower.....and then the moment he had waited for......she came upto the window,looked straight in his direction, let a sigh and smiled coyly. He smiled right back...wide..ear to ear. He had never been happier than that. But, how did she know it was him? Had the delivery boy spilled the beans? There was no way she could have known.....unless.....she was secretly watching. But why would she do that? May be she admires him too! WOW!!!
That evening, he picked up a box of chocolates. He knew she would love them. He came back home and freshend up. He wanted it to be the best evening he or she had ever had. As he got dressed, he kept looking out into her apartment to see what she was doing. He saw her bustling about, probably cooking something special, cleaning up the house and decorating with......what looked like candles. He couldn't beleive his luck!
Just as he was about to leave he gave one last look at her window. She was clinging to the door and smiling flirtatiously.It appeared like she was talking to somebody at the door. A guy entered and she melted in his arms, wrapping him in hers. What was going on? Wasn't he supposed to be that guy eventually? .....but she had smiled at him this morning. She had acknowledged his gesture. Then what was this?
Dreams shattered, he slumped against the window. He had always been warned about women. They were unpedictable and changed without a moment's notice. This was just another of those instances. She was also one of those gals who had accepted gifts from him and then thrown him aside like he was dirt. He din't want to see her ever again......never.
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She was standing in the elevator, on her way to work, recollecting last evening which was everything she had dreamt of. Flowers, food, candles and the man she loved...what more does a woman want! They had finished a laid back romantic dinner and snuggled together to watch a movie. Time just flew and before they knew it, it was time for him to get back. It was one of her best evenings. She had wished it was never over. The only thing that intrigued her was everytime she mentioned the flowers he kept asking what flowers she was talking about! May be he was pulling a fast one on her...or may be just teasing her...or may be..he din't actually send one..but how is that possible..who else would send her flowers and why?
Her thoughts were disturbed by the bell that rings evrytime the elevator stops at a floor. The guy who moved in recently into the apartment across her, got in. He was a plain-looking guy, but dressed well always. She liked observing his tie-shirt collection whenver she came across him. He was pretty friendly, decent and not flirtatious (like the others in the building), the reason she liked him. She had never spoken to him but they always smiled at each other.
As she smiled at him today, he made a stern face and looked away. She had no idea why. She couldn't recollect anything unpleasnt that had happened between them. May be it is just a bad day for him or he may not be in the best of moods.
She could care less...she had had an enormously enchanting evening and nothing or nobody could ruin the thoughts of those moments for her.
She had been in the kitchen gobbling her breakfast and packing lunch, when the doorbell rang. She wasn't expecting the flowers, nevertheless she was elated to get them! They had had a fight last evening and hadn't seperated in what one would call amicable terms. The flowers this morning, seemed to lighten the whole ordeal of who was to say 'sorry' first. Obviously these flowers said it all!
She was running late for office like she does most mornings and the arrival of these flowers added another 5 mins of delay. She hadn't realised how long she had stood smiling, staring and caressing the petals while she wondered about how many different ways of making up for a fight, he comes up with and remembering all those sweet nothings that he had whispered into her ears.....just how much this person meant to her. She wanted to call him up this very moment and tell him how much she loved him. Just as she picked up her phone, the siren rang...she had been way too late for work. Even Ranjani must have walked into office after dropping off the kids at school. Forgetting all about the phone and him, she grabbed her purse and flew out of the door. The call could wait..Mr.Bhatia and his watch wouldn't!
It was lunch time before she knew it. It had beena particularly busy day and Mr. Bhatia was having one of his infamous mood swings. She din't have a minute to steal a call to him. But all she could think of was how she was going to ask him home for dinner tonite and what a delicious meal she would cook him.
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He had just shifted in to the apartment. It wasn't the most comfortable place, but was comfortable enough for a young ,single guy, here to stay for a 6 month period. He was looking forward to working in the project, earning a good recommendation from his boss so he could submit the same for a promotion that was long overdue.
After the initial settling in and getting used to the commute from office to home, he had ventured out to find the closest grocery. ......She stood there reading out her grocery list nonchalantly, while the little boy at the store ran helter skelter to fetch them. She was gorgeous. That was all he could think as he stared at her blatantly. Before he figured out how he could approach her and start a conversation, she disappeared.....as far as he was concerned into thin air!! For days after that, his eyes would search for that one face that could quench the thirst of his sight. But she had literally disappeared.
............until one fine day, as he stood by his window with a cup of coffee in hand, he saw that familiar face drifting across the windows of the apartment in front of his. Over the next few days, he knew her routine on a weekday and weekend just as well as she knew it! The best time of his day was mornings....when he watched her fly out of the front door with a thousand things in her hand and a few more clenched tight between her teeth. She never looked more adorable.
He wanted to confront her. But he din't want their first meeting to be another of those "Hi..I am new here and stay right across. I was wondering if you could help me find...." blah blah blah. It had to be special, coz she was special. After contemplating the whole day, he came up with an idea. It was novel and touching. Afterall girls loved flowers!!
He stopped by a florist shop he passed by everyday on his way back from office and ordered a few lilies....pure white....he loved white flowers and was sure she would too. She was so delicate, just like them. He kept thinking of a message to tag along with the flowers and had come up with "something beautiful for someone beautiful". He was confident that she had an idea of his existence and wanted to make a direct approach. The flowers would be delivered next morning and he would plead guilty in the evening. It was perfect.
He woke up that morning, all excited to see her reaction when the flowers arrived. He din't want to miss a single moment of it. He stood by the window, observing the look of surprise, a moment of pondering and breaking into a smile as she caressed each flower.....and then the moment he had waited for......she came upto the window,looked straight in his direction, let a sigh and smiled coyly. He smiled right back...wide..ear to ear. He had never been happier than that. But, how did she know it was him? Had the delivery boy spilled the beans? There was no way she could have known.....unless.....she was secretly watching. But why would she do that? May be she admires him too! WOW!!!
That evening, he picked up a box of chocolates. He knew she would love them. He came back home and freshend up. He wanted it to be the best evening he or she had ever had. As he got dressed, he kept looking out into her apartment to see what she was doing. He saw her bustling about, probably cooking something special, cleaning up the house and decorating with......what looked like candles. He couldn't beleive his luck!
Just as he was about to leave he gave one last look at her window. She was clinging to the door and smiling flirtatiously.It appeared like she was talking to somebody at the door. A guy entered and she melted in his arms, wrapping him in hers. What was going on? Wasn't he supposed to be that guy eventually? .....but she had smiled at him this morning. She had acknowledged his gesture. Then what was this?
Dreams shattered, he slumped against the window. He had always been warned about women. They were unpedictable and changed without a moment's notice. This was just another of those instances. She was also one of those gals who had accepted gifts from him and then thrown him aside like he was dirt. He din't want to see her ever again......never.
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She was standing in the elevator, on her way to work, recollecting last evening which was everything she had dreamt of. Flowers, food, candles and the man she loved...what more does a woman want! They had finished a laid back romantic dinner and snuggled together to watch a movie. Time just flew and before they knew it, it was time for him to get back. It was one of her best evenings. She had wished it was never over. The only thing that intrigued her was everytime she mentioned the flowers he kept asking what flowers she was talking about! May be he was pulling a fast one on her...or may be just teasing her...or may be..he din't actually send one..but how is that possible..who else would send her flowers and why?
Her thoughts were disturbed by the bell that rings evrytime the elevator stops at a floor. The guy who moved in recently into the apartment across her, got in. He was a plain-looking guy, but dressed well always. She liked observing his tie-shirt collection whenver she came across him. He was pretty friendly, decent and not flirtatious (like the others in the building), the reason she liked him. She had never spoken to him but they always smiled at each other.
As she smiled at him today, he made a stern face and looked away. She had no idea why. She couldn't recollect anything unpleasnt that had happened between them. May be it is just a bad day for him or he may not be in the best of moods.
She could care less...she had had an enormously enchanting evening and nothing or nobody could ruin the thoughts of those moments for her.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
..renewed determination
2007....a score and a few more years on earth...n still going!! Each year starts with a dream n the whole year after that goes in putting the efforts to bring that dream to life. Most of the years I have lived my dream and been very proud to do so.
My dream this time is a bigger one and my efforts seem to be just half of what is required. This year my dream is to double up and add that zing to my efforts....that extra something that makes the difference between a success and a failure.
I am not giving up yet. I still have a lot in me to give to this world. I realise I need a little discipline and direction to my efforts and I intend to do just that.
2007 shall see me lay my foundation to the dream.
My dream this time is a bigger one and my efforts seem to be just half of what is required. This year my dream is to double up and add that zing to my efforts....that extra something that makes the difference between a success and a failure.
I am not giving up yet. I still have a lot in me to give to this world. I realise I need a little discipline and direction to my efforts and I intend to do just that.
2007 shall see me lay my foundation to the dream.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Should I or should I not?
Life is about change. But I sometimes wonder what drives us within to will the change? There are so many things different about each person, so how does one decide what part of them needs to change ? How do you know that a certain change will definitely do you good? How do you decide the line upto which you can allow yourself to change?
They say an answer to these questions is a test to your integrity as an individual. Sometimes it is about being socially acceptable, sometimes about making things more feasible, sometimes just being adventurous, sometimes trying to make a prettier picture of your individuality, sometimes it is about standing out. Do we change for any other reason? And how far can you or must you go to achieve the purpose of your change?
I agree that life is monotonous when there is no change. The entire mystery of life revolves around the timing, content and effect of a change. But just how far is one ready to go to add that zing to life?
They say an answer to these questions is a test to your integrity as an individual. Sometimes it is about being socially acceptable, sometimes about making things more feasible, sometimes just being adventurous, sometimes trying to make a prettier picture of your individuality, sometimes it is about standing out. Do we change for any other reason? And how far can you or must you go to achieve the purpose of your change?
I agree that life is monotonous when there is no change. The entire mystery of life revolves around the timing, content and effect of a change. But just how far is one ready to go to add that zing to life?
Monday, December 04, 2006
First...
There were many firsts between us.
The first acknowledgemnet of each other's existence.
The first time we had a coffee, sharing parts of our lives, as friends.
The first walk, the first phone call, the first time we lingered longer at the bus stop, the first night long chat we had...
The first time the air between us got heavy and we sensed the change in the perspective of our relationship.
The first dinner we had celeberating our commitment to each other.
The first recognition of our inability to live without each other.
The first kiss.
The first fight we had.
The first time we dressed as the bride and groom.
The first meal I cooked.
The first weekend we enjoyed,wrapped in each other's arms, staring at the window, rain drops hitting hard.
The first party we had.
Our first child and all her firsts..
The first time we stood as proud parents, watching her hands loosen from our grasp and clasp tightly the hands of the young man she had found herself.
The first time we glanced into the eyes of our grandchild.
There are countless such firsts...each one equally significant as the ones mentioned. Each one associated with an emotion....joy, despair, restlessness, excitement, anxiety and some inexplicable.
This was the first milestone that left me emotionless....numb.
This was the first time, I couldn't hear him breathe.
The first acknowledgemnet of each other's existence.
The first time we had a coffee, sharing parts of our lives, as friends.
The first walk, the first phone call, the first time we lingered longer at the bus stop, the first night long chat we had...
The first time the air between us got heavy and we sensed the change in the perspective of our relationship.
The first dinner we had celeberating our commitment to each other.
The first recognition of our inability to live without each other.
The first kiss.
The first fight we had.
The first time we dressed as the bride and groom.
The first meal I cooked.
The first weekend we enjoyed,wrapped in each other's arms, staring at the window, rain drops hitting hard.
The first party we had.
Our first child and all her firsts..
The first time we stood as proud parents, watching her hands loosen from our grasp and clasp tightly the hands of the young man she had found herself.
The first time we glanced into the eyes of our grandchild.
There are countless such firsts...each one equally significant as the ones mentioned. Each one associated with an emotion....joy, despair, restlessness, excitement, anxiety and some inexplicable.
This was the first milestone that left me emotionless....numb.
This was the first time, I couldn't hear him breathe.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
in the realm of words..
A sentence ran across, in front of her. She had read it a hundred times before. But everytime she looked away from it, shehad longed to read it again. They soothed her, gave her courage, a reason to her existence, an excuse to keep her heart beating. . . That sentence summed up her life.
They were just words....put carefully in order....but... meant so much more than just what they conveyed. She could weave her entire future, with just the thread of those words. They calmed her when she was restless. She looked at them, as she relived the little moments that they had spent. Those mere words, were her lifeline.
Yet, today, as she reads the sentence teary eyed, they are just a string of words, that probably don't even make a meaningful sentence. It once reflected promise, now it just reflects a shattered future. Looking at it, used to fill her with courage once, today, it breaks her more n more.
She had never known that the meaning of a sentence can change with subtle bends in the journey of life. She learnt it the hard way.
No, he did not give her up. She gave him up. Rather, she gave in to a certain 'me' in place of a certain 'us'. She hadn't flinched even the slightest while making the replacement, for she had died within, much before doing so.
She had once upon a time, gifted him a string of words, thoughtfuly arranged, conveying a meaning that carried more weight than the words themselves .....
.......and in reply he had gifted her this sentence ... a sentence that had only two words on it.... " Me too."
They were just words....put carefully in order....but... meant so much more than just what they conveyed. She could weave her entire future, with just the thread of those words. They calmed her when she was restless. She looked at them, as she relived the little moments that they had spent. Those mere words, were her lifeline.
Yet, today, as she reads the sentence teary eyed, they are just a string of words, that probably don't even make a meaningful sentence. It once reflected promise, now it just reflects a shattered future. Looking at it, used to fill her with courage once, today, it breaks her more n more.
She had never known that the meaning of a sentence can change with subtle bends in the journey of life. She learnt it the hard way.
No, he did not give her up. She gave him up. Rather, she gave in to a certain 'me' in place of a certain 'us'. She hadn't flinched even the slightest while making the replacement, for she had died within, much before doing so.
She had once upon a time, gifted him a string of words, thoughtfuly arranged, conveying a meaning that carried more weight than the words themselves .....
.......and in reply he had gifted her this sentence ... a sentence that had only two words on it.... " Me too."
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Over a cup of tea....
Sitting by his own office and gaping at the window, working up startegies to get past the latest business problem at hand, he probably was the most content man around. He was rich...monitarily, educationally and morally. He had the world at his feet.
It was 10.30 am and it was time for tea. It was his office and tea was served to him at his desk. There was a small tea stall next to the office and a small boy working there as a cleaner would bring it up to his desk. Everyday the boy would knock on the door, carry the hot cup filled to the brim, gingerly, trying his best not to spill and carefully place it on the table. He would then walk away without so much as lift his head. This was routine. Being a busy man, he could hardly bother about a 9 year old cleaner!
Today, something changed. The boy came as always and placed the cup and started to walk away. But he recieved a 'thank you', said matter of factly, in a tone that comes when said without deliberate intent and as a habit. The boy swirled, his eyes lit up and a smile appeared across his face. Turning away from the window, surprised at the sudden movement in the lateral vision, he looked at the little boy and reciprocated the smile.
This was the beginning of a series of smile exchanges which over a period of time led to small talks. Through these talks, he learnt that the boy's parents stayed in the village at the outskirts , that his father is a farmer, he being the eldest of four children works by day adding to the family's income and goes to school by night, that he wants to become a big, rich man when he grows up. The small talks stirred a spirit of charity and he would give petty amounts as 'tip' to the little boy.
The boy looked forward to these one-minute-word-exchanges and would run to the front of the tea stall evey morning and evening to see his new friend arrive and leave office. He once got lucky and actually got a ride in the car. His friend had told him that to be a big rich man, he has to study very hard and be sincere in whatever he chooses to do. And he was determined to do just that!
One fine day, as the boy smilingly placed the cup of tea, he told his friend that his father had asked him to return to the village and help out in the fields, as he could no more afford to keep the boy in the city. His night school would stop, but he would try to find one, close to his village. He still wants to be a big ,rich man. Sadenned by the news, he told the boy, that he was also leaving the city as he was opening a new branch of the office in another place and would have to be there for the next whole year. He then wrote his number on a piece of paper and asked the boy to call him in a month's time and he would arrange for his schooling at his own cost. That was last in the series of one-minute-word-exchanges.
He left the city and his new office was established, but that one phone call he was waiting for never came.
Today as he sits by the window of his new office, the office attendent brings the usual cup of tea. But his tea has stopped tasting ever since that 9 yr old cleaner of the neighbouring tea stall left the city, coz that tea was accompanied by smiles, innocence and dreams....
It was 10.30 am and it was time for tea. It was his office and tea was served to him at his desk. There was a small tea stall next to the office and a small boy working there as a cleaner would bring it up to his desk. Everyday the boy would knock on the door, carry the hot cup filled to the brim, gingerly, trying his best not to spill and carefully place it on the table. He would then walk away without so much as lift his head. This was routine. Being a busy man, he could hardly bother about a 9 year old cleaner!
Today, something changed. The boy came as always and placed the cup and started to walk away. But he recieved a 'thank you', said matter of factly, in a tone that comes when said without deliberate intent and as a habit. The boy swirled, his eyes lit up and a smile appeared across his face. Turning away from the window, surprised at the sudden movement in the lateral vision, he looked at the little boy and reciprocated the smile.
This was the beginning of a series of smile exchanges which over a period of time led to small talks. Through these talks, he learnt that the boy's parents stayed in the village at the outskirts , that his father is a farmer, he being the eldest of four children works by day adding to the family's income and goes to school by night, that he wants to become a big, rich man when he grows up. The small talks stirred a spirit of charity and he would give petty amounts as 'tip' to the little boy.
The boy looked forward to these one-minute-word-exchanges and would run to the front of the tea stall evey morning and evening to see his new friend arrive and leave office. He once got lucky and actually got a ride in the car. His friend had told him that to be a big rich man, he has to study very hard and be sincere in whatever he chooses to do. And he was determined to do just that!
One fine day, as the boy smilingly placed the cup of tea, he told his friend that his father had asked him to return to the village and help out in the fields, as he could no more afford to keep the boy in the city. His night school would stop, but he would try to find one, close to his village. He still wants to be a big ,rich man. Sadenned by the news, he told the boy, that he was also leaving the city as he was opening a new branch of the office in another place and would have to be there for the next whole year. He then wrote his number on a piece of paper and asked the boy to call him in a month's time and he would arrange for his schooling at his own cost. That was last in the series of one-minute-word-exchanges.
He left the city and his new office was established, but that one phone call he was waiting for never came.
Today as he sits by the window of his new office, the office attendent brings the usual cup of tea. But his tea has stopped tasting ever since that 9 yr old cleaner of the neighbouring tea stall left the city, coz that tea was accompanied by smiles, innocence and dreams....
Saturday, November 11, 2006
bestest mommy...
One of the many things that intrigues me about God's creation, is the creation of a mother! What is it that He adds in her being that makes her omnipresent and omnipotent with respect to her offspring? As a daughter, I may never understand, but only wonder!!
It was one of those cold winter mornings, when I felt as grey as the sky was.(Sometimes, it is the weather that determines your mood...the environmental effect!!) It was a regular day when nobody cares what you are feeling, you just need to go about doing your job. There was a feeling of restlessness, despair, an unreasonable worry and it bothered me every minute. I took a deep breath and thought about the status of all perspectives of my life and realised that all was well. There was not one facet that seemed to be weathering the rains, but I still couldn't reason out the worry! When such a thing happens, I usually classify it as ' feeling homesick' ! Well, having come to the conclusion, I decided to call home once I get liberated from the more practical things in life!
Just as that thought occured, my phone rang...it was Ma...! She said she was missing me and wanted to hear my voice. And I was searching for anything that looked like a string jutting out of my body and running into oblivion....the only reasonable way..she could have read my thoughts!! Well..as obvious..I am still looking for that string!!
All mothers have this string and as many strings as the number of children. But I always wondered if this string ran both ways... There are so many instances of a child being able to hear the mother's thought. How come I have never been able to do that? or is it that I did hear and react but never realised my action!
Human beings are selfish....and if there is one facet of human that is selfless...it is definitely a mother!! and like everyone says...my mommy is the best!!
It was one of those cold winter mornings, when I felt as grey as the sky was.(Sometimes, it is the weather that determines your mood...the environmental effect!!) It was a regular day when nobody cares what you are feeling, you just need to go about doing your job. There was a feeling of restlessness, despair, an unreasonable worry and it bothered me every minute. I took a deep breath and thought about the status of all perspectives of my life and realised that all was well. There was not one facet that seemed to be weathering the rains, but I still couldn't reason out the worry! When such a thing happens, I usually classify it as ' feeling homesick' ! Well, having come to the conclusion, I decided to call home once I get liberated from the more practical things in life!
Just as that thought occured, my phone rang...it was Ma...! She said she was missing me and wanted to hear my voice. And I was searching for anything that looked like a string jutting out of my body and running into oblivion....the only reasonable way..she could have read my thoughts!! Well..as obvious..I am still looking for that string!!
All mothers have this string and as many strings as the number of children. But I always wondered if this string ran both ways... There are so many instances of a child being able to hear the mother's thought. How come I have never been able to do that? or is it that I did hear and react but never realised my action!
Human beings are selfish....and if there is one facet of human that is selfless...it is definitely a mother!! and like everyone says...my mommy is the best!!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
retrospection...or..... introspection?
It feels like an era has gone by. An era I had enjoyed living in. A chance to revisit the time, was something I was looking forward to, something that brought a smile across my face.
Today as my visit ends, there is a feeling of peace, satisfaction, happiness and fulfillment. There is fear and sadness of having to let go of the era and live only with it's memories. Memories...some good, some bad, some happy, some sad, some of places, some of people, some of mere objects, some of incidents and some of thoughts!
At the start of my visit, I expected it to be one to refresh images and take back smiles of people I love. It was about giving back smiles, happiness and memories to them. It was a trip looking forward to meeting a new friend and establishing a new thread of belonging. But as unexpected as life can sometimes be, I lost...lost a whole box of memories and more. With mixed feelings, I look back at my visit, as I got myself something new but in the process lost something old..
As I left the location of the era and flew higher into the skies of the future, I felt a certain strength and confidence to pass through any dark cloud that comes by me, with conviction.
I lived a dream. I was blessed to be able to do so. As I fly into the future, I want people associated with me to know, how much, they have contributed to make me the person I am.
Tears flow out, in celeberation of refreshed memories and in pain of having to convert a living moment into a memory.
I lived my dream...and the dream came to an end....
Today as my visit ends, there is a feeling of peace, satisfaction, happiness and fulfillment. There is fear and sadness of having to let go of the era and live only with it's memories. Memories...some good, some bad, some happy, some sad, some of places, some of people, some of mere objects, some of incidents and some of thoughts!
At the start of my visit, I expected it to be one to refresh images and take back smiles of people I love. It was about giving back smiles, happiness and memories to them. It was a trip looking forward to meeting a new friend and establishing a new thread of belonging. But as unexpected as life can sometimes be, I lost...lost a whole box of memories and more. With mixed feelings, I look back at my visit, as I got myself something new but in the process lost something old..
As I left the location of the era and flew higher into the skies of the future, I felt a certain strength and confidence to pass through any dark cloud that comes by me, with conviction.
I lived a dream. I was blessed to be able to do so. As I fly into the future, I want people associated with me to know, how much, they have contributed to make me the person I am.
Tears flow out, in celeberation of refreshed memories and in pain of having to convert a living moment into a memory.
I lived my dream...and the dream came to an end....
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
complete...
Standing by the window, staring at the vastness of the sky, I felt a hand touch me. As I turned back, I saw a pair of eyes that instilled faith in me. A smile that drove away the wrinkles on my forehead. It was these things about him that ensured me.... he was mine. Ever since, the path of our lives have crossed, I have always felt complete.
I found him on the beach, 2 years back. He was wading into deeper waters and was too small to fight the waves. I was taking a leisurely stroll along the waters. He was alone. Nobody seemed to be having an eye on a boy as young as him. He barely looked like 6yr old. As I wondered what a child like him was doing in such deep waters and how could the parents be so careless, his bobbing head suddenly disappeared. Racing against the waves, I frantically searched for that tiny form of life. By the time I reached him, his head bobbed up again. Smiling, he said, he knew how to swim.
I found him every single evening after that day. First a few smiles, then a little ruffling of hair, then an enthusiastic wave from far off and then to waiting for each other to turn up, we had become friends...fast friends. I bought him something small everyday, may be a choclate or an ice gola. He never questioned me when I din't buy him anything.
He came alone everyday. Intrigued by the observation, I asked him the big 'why'.
" I stay in that house there. That aunty lets us go to play every evening, but she doesn't take us out. So, I jumped the gate to see what it is like outside." "Who stays with you at home?" I asked. "Oh! there a lot of friends and aunty." As I looked in the direction of his house, I could read just one word 'orphanage'. The whole world seemed to spin. The sound of the waves seemed to get louder. How could He do this to a child as adorable as this 6 yr old?
I had called him 'kiddo' from the very start and was surprised that I had never bothered to ask him his name.
"Kiddo! would you like to stay with me?"
" you mean..in your house?"
"yes!"
"forever?"
"forever."
I named kiddo, Aryan. He became my son officially this day, 2 years back. He is in class III, in the school nearby. We are celeberating his b'day today. Mom n Dad were upset that I had taken such a huge step without consulting them.... after all there was a society to answer to. A single mom was still not a very comfortable situation. It took them time to come to terms with their daughter's bold step. But they are here too.
I have given Aryan a family. But what Aryan has given me is inexplicable.
This is purely a work of imagination. So please don't ask me, if I actually have an Aryan!
I found him on the beach, 2 years back. He was wading into deeper waters and was too small to fight the waves. I was taking a leisurely stroll along the waters. He was alone. Nobody seemed to be having an eye on a boy as young as him. He barely looked like 6yr old. As I wondered what a child like him was doing in such deep waters and how could the parents be so careless, his bobbing head suddenly disappeared. Racing against the waves, I frantically searched for that tiny form of life. By the time I reached him, his head bobbed up again. Smiling, he said, he knew how to swim.
I found him every single evening after that day. First a few smiles, then a little ruffling of hair, then an enthusiastic wave from far off and then to waiting for each other to turn up, we had become friends...fast friends. I bought him something small everyday, may be a choclate or an ice gola. He never questioned me when I din't buy him anything.
He came alone everyday. Intrigued by the observation, I asked him the big 'why'.
" I stay in that house there. That aunty lets us go to play every evening, but she doesn't take us out. So, I jumped the gate to see what it is like outside." "Who stays with you at home?" I asked. "Oh! there a lot of friends and aunty." As I looked in the direction of his house, I could read just one word 'orphanage'. The whole world seemed to spin. The sound of the waves seemed to get louder. How could He do this to a child as adorable as this 6 yr old?
I had called him 'kiddo' from the very start and was surprised that I had never bothered to ask him his name.
"Kiddo! would you like to stay with me?"
" you mean..in your house?"
"yes!"
"forever?"
"forever."
I named kiddo, Aryan. He became my son officially this day, 2 years back. He is in class III, in the school nearby. We are celeberating his b'day today. Mom n Dad were upset that I had taken such a huge step without consulting them.... after all there was a society to answer to. A single mom was still not a very comfortable situation. It took them time to come to terms with their daughter's bold step. But they are here too.
I have given Aryan a family. But what Aryan has given me is inexplicable.
This is purely a work of imagination. So please don't ask me, if I actually have an Aryan!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Bird's view..
It is a pleasant afternoon. The sun is right overhead and shining bright and hard. But there are clouds to cover up, making the weather much more bearable. My search for some form of food in the morning was of no avail. Not a single fish jumped out of the water, not a single rat was slow for me to land my claws on it, not a snake, not a chick, not even worms... It was another of my sloppy days, when I reach the wrong place at the wrong time..or rather don't reach the right place at the right time. My mom always said there would be such days,only she din't tell me they would be so often!
My stomach is growling. I don't even remember the last meal I had. I have to find something to eat. There is no point perching up on such a high branch and wondering what to do. Just flying and hoping against hope, that my luck shines like the sun this afternoon, will be the best thing to do.
Ahh...this earth looks so beautiful from up here. It's a pity that those men down can't have a bird's view........ except when they fly in those bird-like machines that cuts birds as big as me into pieces. Well, even if they had wings of their own, they would have to be long ones to balance their bodies in air. Also, with such a size, and so many of them, the sky would not be enough to fly in!
Oh..there is my prey! After all the wait, I, finally, am going to have a delicious meal. Yummy little snake. Haven't had one for a while now. I knew my luck would shine today..nice n bright!! Ok..little one...here I come!!
I love tearing down the sky in speed, to catch my prey. When I waqs small and mom took me on training, she always told me that it was this part of catching the prey that determined whether I would be succesful or not. She always told me to tear down, fast enough to surprise the prey but not so fast as to catch the attention of the prey. I love doing this....to feel the breeze blowing across me as I fly down!
Oops!! What is this? It looks like a stone. Oh! these young ones of these men..... keep pelting stones at me. One day, I will have to pick one of them....just to teach them a lesson. Actually, I wonder what they would taste like! Well, I shall wonder later, let me avoid the stone. Uggghhhhhh....I am going to miss my little snake!
Hey, it hit me. And no, it isn't a stone. It doesn't look like one. And stones don't make me bleed so much. What is this? And what is that man holding in his claws? I remember seeing a similar one when mom swiveled down, the last day I ever saw her. Is it the same thing that hit mom?
Why am I falling? I can't flap anymore. My left wing hurts and I am bleeding. May be I should perch on one of these branches and take some rest. Where is the nearest branch? I can't see one. I can't see the man either. What is happening? The sun is appearing too bright. Where did the clouds go?
THUD!! I've hit something hard. Now my right wing and my whole body hurts. What is this squeezing my body so hard? Get off me! Leave me..I am in pain. Why isn't someone listening to me? Oh..it is a man's claw. It is coming towards me. What does it want from me? Why is the man looking at me? Mom said men hit birds. She din'yt say, they eat birds. R they going to eat me? Ahhh...I am feeling tired. I want to sleep. Mom, where are you? I am hungry and tired. I need some rest.
Mom...mom...mom...mom.....mooooommm.....mooooomm...mooom...mom.....
My stomach is growling. I don't even remember the last meal I had. I have to find something to eat. There is no point perching up on such a high branch and wondering what to do. Just flying and hoping against hope, that my luck shines like the sun this afternoon, will be the best thing to do.
Ahh...this earth looks so beautiful from up here. It's a pity that those men down can't have a bird's view........ except when they fly in those bird-like machines that cuts birds as big as me into pieces. Well, even if they had wings of their own, they would have to be long ones to balance their bodies in air. Also, with such a size, and so many of them, the sky would not be enough to fly in!
Oh..there is my prey! After all the wait, I, finally, am going to have a delicious meal. Yummy little snake. Haven't had one for a while now. I knew my luck would shine today..nice n bright!! Ok..little one...here I come!!
I love tearing down the sky in speed, to catch my prey. When I waqs small and mom took me on training, she always told me that it was this part of catching the prey that determined whether I would be succesful or not. She always told me to tear down, fast enough to surprise the prey but not so fast as to catch the attention of the prey. I love doing this....to feel the breeze blowing across me as I fly down!
Oops!! What is this? It looks like a stone. Oh! these young ones of these men..... keep pelting stones at me. One day, I will have to pick one of them....just to teach them a lesson. Actually, I wonder what they would taste like! Well, I shall wonder later, let me avoid the stone. Uggghhhhhh....I am going to miss my little snake!
Hey, it hit me. And no, it isn't a stone. It doesn't look like one. And stones don't make me bleed so much. What is this? And what is that man holding in his claws? I remember seeing a similar one when mom swiveled down, the last day I ever saw her. Is it the same thing that hit mom?
Why am I falling? I can't flap anymore. My left wing hurts and I am bleeding. May be I should perch on one of these branches and take some rest. Where is the nearest branch? I can't see one. I can't see the man either. What is happening? The sun is appearing too bright. Where did the clouds go?
THUD!! I've hit something hard. Now my right wing and my whole body hurts. What is this squeezing my body so hard? Get off me! Leave me..I am in pain. Why isn't someone listening to me? Oh..it is a man's claw. It is coming towards me. What does it want from me? Why is the man looking at me? Mom said men hit birds. She din'yt say, they eat birds. R they going to eat me? Ahhh...I am feeling tired. I want to sleep. Mom, where are you? I am hungry and tired. I need some rest.
Mom...mom...mom...mom.....mooooommm.....mooooomm...mooom...mom.....
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Hum Tum?
It was after college hours, sitting lazily on the benches in the canteen with a bunch of friends, over a cup of coffee and some savories. He was a friend's friend and she was just introduced to him.She had had a bad day. There was constant chatter n laughter in the air, but she was oblivious to it. Suddenly he pushed a piece of paper towards her. It was an artist's version of a withered leaf in the form of a lady. She was surprised and looked up at him. He signed under his work and smiled.
A few days later, the group was planning on going to a nearby waterfall and a farm house owned by one of them. He was the only 'indirect' friend invited. During the trip, he found all sorts of excuses to come and talk to her and she was trying hard to be polite. By the end of the day the battle was won by perseverance. He finally got a five minute one-to-one conversation with her. Well, it wasn't much of a conversation... for most of the time they sat quietly next to each other...until she asked him when his next exams were!
She was seeing him everyday after that, she din't realize until it was almost a week. Someday he would come down coz he needed the mutual friend's bike, the next day, he would come to pick his friend up, the third he would come as a he was passing by the college, another day, there was some function in the college… so on n so forth. She was slowly getting familiar with him and he noticed that she was less guarded after each of their meeting. By the end of 2 weeks of numerous ‘by chance’ meetings, he finally mustered up the guts to ask for her number. Phone number was always a delicate issue, but this time she gave it without thinking twice.
That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between him n her. She hardly had time to do anything other than her course work, but whenever he called up and asked to meet, she would make the time for it. For him, she came before everything else. They spoke for hours. They sat next to each other...quiet...staring into the open, but felt refreshed at the end of it. She could bare her heart in front of him without the fear of being judged and her support was all he needed to realize his interests and accomplish them. He listened to her girlie talks and gossip and she checked out gals for him! They were friends…the best there could be.
Everyone was doubtful of the true intention of their relationship. They questioned him. They questioned her. His friends constantly teased him. Her friends teased her. But they were all ignored.
Years passed by. The bond had grown stronger.
He was her backbone and thought she was the same to him. But, with time, she had become his every breath. She was now the center of his being. He wanted a sort of permanency in the relationship. The friendship was permanent she said.
He smiled, looked at her for a long time, trying to sink her face into the depth of his memory…. and walked away…..
That was the last she saw or heard of him.
A few days later, the group was planning on going to a nearby waterfall and a farm house owned by one of them. He was the only 'indirect' friend invited. During the trip, he found all sorts of excuses to come and talk to her and she was trying hard to be polite. By the end of the day the battle was won by perseverance. He finally got a five minute one-to-one conversation with her. Well, it wasn't much of a conversation... for most of the time they sat quietly next to each other...until she asked him when his next exams were!
She was seeing him everyday after that, she din't realize until it was almost a week. Someday he would come down coz he needed the mutual friend's bike, the next day, he would come to pick his friend up, the third he would come as a he was passing by the college, another day, there was some function in the college… so on n so forth. She was slowly getting familiar with him and he noticed that she was less guarded after each of their meeting. By the end of 2 weeks of numerous ‘by chance’ meetings, he finally mustered up the guts to ask for her number. Phone number was always a delicate issue, but this time she gave it without thinking twice.
That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between him n her. She hardly had time to do anything other than her course work, but whenever he called up and asked to meet, she would make the time for it. For him, she came before everything else. They spoke for hours. They sat next to each other...quiet...staring into the open, but felt refreshed at the end of it. She could bare her heart in front of him without the fear of being judged and her support was all he needed to realize his interests and accomplish them. He listened to her girlie talks and gossip and she checked out gals for him! They were friends…the best there could be.
Everyone was doubtful of the true intention of their relationship. They questioned him. They questioned her. His friends constantly teased him. Her friends teased her. But they were all ignored.
Years passed by. The bond had grown stronger.
He was her backbone and thought she was the same to him. But, with time, she had become his every breath. She was now the center of his being. He wanted a sort of permanency in the relationship. The friendship was permanent she said.
He smiled, looked at her for a long time, trying to sink her face into the depth of his memory…. and walked away…..
That was the last she saw or heard of him.
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